Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Leaving, Pt. II

how can i explain?
my life is here, here where you have not been

they tell me i must leave behind
my dark family full of light

they tell me i must leave behind
tiny bare feet, dirty and worn
hungry mouths that speak up and say,
"mzungu, 500 for school fees, please?"
oh, these brilliant blind children that truly see

they tell me i must leave behind
my life
free from distraction
full of challenges i cannot understand
cannot conquer
humbled, i love to meet them just the same

they tell me i must leave behind…
fierce beauty, valued tradition, painful honesty
corruption, poverty, brutality
quiet chaos
these are problems, i've learned, that are not mine to fix

they tell me i must leave
may 5th
i will not
can not

they tell me i must
somehow leave my heart behind
and carry this burden home

how can i explain?
my life is here, here where you have not been.

Thursday, February 12, 2009


One of the reasons I came to Africa is to experience how the rest of the world lives. And the rest of the world primarily lives in poverty. By Ugandan standards my life has been rather luxurious but we are continually surrounded by those who are destitute.

Since I can't bring you all to Uganda with me I know its relatively impossible to convey the realities of life for the everyday Ugandan. We're reading "Rich Christians in an Age of Hunger" for class and I think this passage paints an accurate picture of the circumstances with which 2.6 billion of our poorest neighbors contend every day.

"We begin by invading the house of our imaginary American family to strip it of its furniture. Everything goes: beds, chairs, tables, television set, lamps. We will leave the family with a few old blankets, a kitchen table, a
wooden chair. Along with the bureaus go the clothes. Each member of a family may keep in his "wardrobe" his oldest suit or dress, a shirt or blouse. We will permit a pair of shoes for the head of the family but none for the wife or children.

We move to the kitchen. The appliances have already been taken out, so we turn to the cupboards...The box of matches may stay, a small bag of flour, some sugar and salt. A few moldy potatoes, already in the garbage can,must be hastily rescued, for they will provide much of tonight's meal. We will leave a handful of onions, and a dish of dried beans. All the rest we take away: the meat, the fresh vegetables, the canned goods, the crackers, the candy.

Now we have stripped the house: the bathroom has been dismantled, the running water shut off, the electric wires taken out. Next we take away the house. The family can move to the toolshed...

Communications must go next. No more newspapers, magazines, books-not that they are missed, since we must take away our family's literacy as well. Instead, in our shantytown we will allow one radio...

Now government services must go. No more postman, no more firemen. There is a school, but it is three miles away and consists of two classrooms...There are of course no hospitals or doctors nearby. The nearest clinic is ten miles away and is tended by a midwife. It can be reached by bicycle, provided that the family has a bicycle, which is unlikely...

Finally, money. We will allow our family a cash hoard of $5.00. This will prevent our breadwinner from experiencing the tragedy of an Iranian peasant who went blind because he could not raise the $3.94 he mistakenly thought he needed to receive admission to a hospital where he could have been cured."

Let me just repeat that 2.6 billion people live in this kind of poverty every day. Don't just read that number and move on. 2.6 billion individuals. That's approximately of the current world population.

I hope the chair your sitting on just got a little less comfortable, the dinner you'll eat tonight won't taste quite as good, the television you'll watch won't be quite as entertaining.

I hope this makes you incredibly uncomfortable.

  • In Africa only 41% of the population is literate.
  • Every day 6,000 children in developing countries die because of a lack of clean water and sanitation.
  • Every day in Africa 6,000 people die of AIDS.
  • UNICEF estimates that the total cost of providing basic social services in developing countries, including health, education, family planning, and clean water, would cost $30 to $40 billion per year. The rich of this world spend more than this on golf every year.

Maybe you don't play golf. I don't think that's the point.

Recently we spent two weeks living with a family in the Mukono area. The home I shared with Robert and Jemimah is undeniably bare. There are two small rooms altogether not much bigger than my dorm room at Malone with only a curtain to separate them. There is no running water, limited electricity, and dinner is cooked over a foot wide charcoal stove.

Besides my homestay traveling to and through Kampala (the capital) has largely informed my perspective on life in a traditional Uganda setting. Walking through slums with Robert breaks my heart while he seems not to notice. It's like a slap in the face realising that the three street kids begging me for money or food are the same age as Ben, my little brother. He's seven.

I came to Africa in order to ascertain my ability to live in a developing country and share in the life of its people. My passion has been to eventually work for an organization doing economic development and humanitarian relief in areas like Uganda. I think in my American arrogangce I assumed that people here were unhappy and I wanted to be able to help resolve that. Yet most of the people I've met, with Robert and Jemimah being the prime example, don't seem to be unhappy. In fact its often quite the opposite.

I had assumed that my time in Africa would help me know where to start. I've desired a personal connection to those who were suffering in order to serve them in a substantial and meaningful way. The strength and tenacity of Robert and Jemimah's relationship despite their meager circumstances forces me to rethink a basic element of my worldview. I know that my own life as a typical American is not ideal but neither is quality of life for most Africans. What does life look like as God intended it especially within the context of our fallen world? This is the question I've most often struggled with during my inital time here.

It's hard to ignore that Jesus was essentially homeless. I guess at a basic level I'm wondering where the line between poverty and excess begins and ends. And where am I as a Chrsitian supposed to find myself and help to locate others on this spectrum?

I think Sider puts it well in "Rich Christians",

"I feel absolutely confident, however, that the biblical understanding of "economic equality", or equity, demands at least this: God wants every person and family to have equality of economic opporunity, at least to the point of having access to the resources nessecary (land, money education), so that by working resonsibly they can earn a decent living and participate as dignified members of their community."

I've realised since coming here the incredible arrogance the involves my view of the poor. I think I can fix them, solve their problems, change their life. And maybe someday with a lot of grace and humility I'll be able to. Right now I'm learning how problematic it is to simply lump together a huge percentage of the population as "the poor". "The poor" are people. A passage from Bryant Myer's "Walking With the Poor" has revolutionised my mindset when considering those less forunate than I.

"We need to begin by reminding ourselves that poverty is the condition of people whom we describe abstractly as "the poor". Referring to people by a label is always dangerous. We may forget that the poorare not an abstraction but rather a group of human beings who have names, who are made in the image of God, whose hairs are numbered, and for whom Jesus died. The people who live in poverty are as valued, as important, as loved as those who do not.

Why is this reminder important? The world tends to view the poor as a group that is helpless; thus we give ourselves permission to play God in the lives of the poor. The poor become nameless, and this invites us to treat them as objects of our compassion, as a thing to which we can do what we believe is best. We, the non-poor, take it upon ourselves to name them--homeless, destitute, indigenous, working poor, and so on. Talking about the poor as an abstract noun invites well-intentioned people of compassion to speak for the poor and to practice the latest fads in social engineering. The poor become custodians of the state, objects of professional study, or a social group to be organised. Whenever we reduce poor people from names to abstractions we add to their poverty and impoverish ourselves.

Our point of departure fir a Christian understanding of poverty is to remember that the poor are people with names, people to whom God has given gifts and people with whom and among whom God has been working before we even know they are there."

People who Jesus loves and has mandated that we love as well. They are just as much my brothers and sisters and those who share my blood and last name.

After spending only six weeks here I can't imagine returning to America and being able to enjoy the excess to which I am accustomed. To ignore their suffering is to ignore Christ. To be aware and not take action is inexcusable.

"This is what the LORD says: Do what is just and right. Rescue from the hand of his oppressor the one who has been robbed. Do no wrong or violence to the alien, the fatherless or the widow, and do not shed innocent blood in this place." -Jeremiah 22:3

Monday, February 2, 2009


Pictures are posted on Facebook.

You can check them out here.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

A Heart of Darkness

There are moment here where I'm surrounded by situations so dark and frightening its difficult to explain.

Life in the U.S. is safe and secure. I leave my doors unlocked and travel alone without a second thought. I make it a point to not let my life be ruled by fear.

In Africa fear is real. We are not sheltered from the reality either in word or experience that as white women we are likely one of the most vulnerable segments of the population living here in Uganda.

All this to say that God has proven himself to be more real than I've ever known or needed before.

I survive knowing that my safety literally rests in God's hands. When I'm afraid and want to scream in frustration all of the sudden he's there; guiding, protecting, loving.

The song "He's Got the Whole World in His Hands" comes to mind. I've sang that song many times in Sunday school without giving it a second thought.

I trust that he's holding me in his hands because, here in Africa, it's suddenly obvious that I have no alternative.

This semester is much harder than I anticipated but it is challenging all my flaws and fears in a specifically unique way.

All this to say that in Africa God is big, much bigger than I could have imagined or ever experienced in my life back home.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Life in Africa

Africa is unexpected. It is both difficult and familiar in all the ways you never imagined. Something our director said yesterday in class really struck a chord with me as I’m processing my first few days here in Uganda. He mentioned that if this adjustment was easy or non-threatening it would feel much more comfortable. Yet in this type of experience we only encourage the parts of yourself we don’t want to see developed; laziness, complacency, privilege.

In order to adapt to life here we have all had to throw our whole selves, body and soul, into the experience.

Here are a few basic details about life in Uganda.

My hall might even be considered luxurious by campus standards. We have running water including two toilets with actual seats! The showers are ice cold, which I absolutely hated at first but have learned to adapt to. We actually having a working TV that gets a few Ugandan channels. The Ugandan girls usually watch music videos or Telenovas (Spanish soap operas dubbed in English). We even have limited internet access on our very own front porch. Our hall is also backed up by a generator so whenever power goes out on campus we’re never in the dark for long. The lounge/common room where a lot of the Ugandan girls spend their time talking, watching TV and doing each others hair.

We also spend a lot of time on the front porch. Most of us Americans are used to January weather in the states, so we love to sit out on the porch and read or use our laptops, where the temperature is usually somewhere between 60-80 degrees depending on the time of day.

I share a room with another USP student Esther who is also from the states. When we finally arrived at 1 AM on Friday after two days of traveling with relatively no sleep I was honestly surprised to see how bare our accommodations were. I had known not too expect much but my room here is much less a home than the one I share with Erika at home. This was only my initial reaction though and now it seems quite normal. We each have a closet with a drawer. There is also a set of bunk beds with the ever present mosquito net, a small table with no chairs and a small shelf. It’s even too small to really be able to take a decent picture of.

Food is of course another major adjustment. Breakfast is milk tea and two slices of bread. You may even to be lucky enough to have butter on one or maybe even both pieces. We’ve been told by several Ugandan students that every once in a while we might get doughnuts instead of the standard bread and tea. Obviously there’s no Krispy Kreme here but we’re all eagerly awaiting our first Ugandan doughnuts if only to break up the monotony.

Lunch and dinner is always some variation on beans and rice. Sometimes we also get posho which is maize meal(Uganda’s flour) and water. It makes a solid white substance that has absolutely no flavor. Matoke is another option. Matoke is similar to a banana but less sweet. Instead of mashed potatoes here we have mashed or boiled matoke. Supposedly we can expect some kind of meat like chicken/pork every once in a while but we have yet to experience this luxury. We had pineapple yesterday with lunch, for which we are all very thankful.

Fortunately Ugandan’s eat their meals much later, except for breakfast of course. Breakfast is from 6:45-8 AM, lunch is 1-2 PM, and dinner 6:45-8 PM. This plus all the walking in the hot sun means that we’re all starving by the time meals finally arrive and will eat just about anything they give us.

We’ve all quickly learned that no one relies on only the DH (dining hall) to get them through the semester. You can supplement your meals with buying food/snacks at the canteens on campus or by walking into Mukono. You can buy various fruits, ice cream, meat, chapati (like a very thick tortilla that has been fried) and candy to break up the monotony.

Also Monday night I had my very first Rolex. In Uganda this refers to a chapati filled with eggs, vegetables and sometimes even meat. We were taken by Eddie, a Ugandan student, who is considered the chairman of Rolexes here on campus as he ate eighty of them last semester alone. There are several competing Rolex stands right outside the campus gates where Eddie took us to the best one and we paid only 700 shillings (about .35 cents in USD). The cook the Rolex on this little foot wide stove right in front of you. We ate them in the dark by the side of the road while the air smelled like smoke, African music played, and the boda-bodas rushed by. These are the kinds of moments where I feel like I’m truly experiencing what it means to live in Africa.

And lucky me I didn’t get sick from eating it!

The animals here are also different. There are chickens/roosters that fight in our front yard but only at 6 AM which is evidently when they want us to wake up. I have seen some of the most unusual but beautiful looking birds here. I have no idea what any of them are but they are amazing to look at. Monkeys here are very common. Today while I was waiting to go into my first class today there was a monkey hanging out in the tree across the path, probably only ten feet away.

It’s also very normal to see lizards on your ceiling at night. They are usually just in the lounge and don’t make it to our rooms, but I did see one by the showers the first night we were here. Monday night one of the newts on the porch ceiling pooped while hanging upside down and was very close to hitting one of the girls on the head which was hilarious for the rest of us.

Most of the Ugandans we’ve met have been very friendly. Sunday we walked into the nearest town (Mukono) and three UCU guys we’d met went along to show us the ropes. We’ve had a harder time getting to know the women but are told this is normal. They are generally more reserved and you will have to invest more time with them in order to develop a friendship.

These first few days have felt very similar to freshman orientation. We are meeting so many people and its hard to keep track of who’s who. Honestly the Ugandan’s all look very similar to us Americans. Its hard to tell them apart, let alone remember all their names. Today at breakfast, a Ugandan, Tony, told us that they think we Americans all look the same so its hard for them too. Everyone we’ve met speaks English but usually with a heavy accent. This also makes things difficult as you don’t want to have to ask someone you’ve just met to repeat themselves five times because you can’t understand them. Fortunately they often have difficulty understanding us as well which results in a lot of laughter.

Trips into nearby Mukono town are often frightening but very exciting. As a white American woman we are stared at, made comments about and are generally very vulnerable. It is also quite common to get marriage proposals from strangers. They assume that were rich and will take them back to the states to live in luxury. Many of the girls myself included have received several of these already. I know that being confident and not letting others know that your nervous is half the battle. I certainly don’t plan on spending the whole semester being afraid of every Ugandan man I meet and already feel fairly confident in navigating Mukono safely.

Traffic here is insane and actually poses the biggest threat to your safety. There are no traffic laws, stop lights, lanes, sidewalks, crosswalks, etc. The pedestrian definitely does not have the right of way, in fact its quite the opposite. You have to be very aware and carefully walk down the side of the road to avoid being hit by boda-bodas, cars or matataus. I don’t have any really good pictures of Mukono yet. Walking around waving a camera only makes you look like more of a rich white tourist.

We are stared at pretty much everywhere we go. Besides the other students in our program and the USP directors I’ve seen no other white people. I don’t mind being stared at but I’m starting to understand what it means to be judged for the color of your skin.

Friday we leave for a trip into Kampala (the capital) and Saturday begins our two week Mukono home stays. We’ll be living with a Ugandan family in Mukono and walking in to campus during the week for classes. I don’t know how often I’ll be able to use the internet during those two weeks but will update whenever I have the time/energy.

Love and miss you all!

PS-I've tried to post pictures but it takes forever too load them here. If you'd like to see them just comment with your email and I will send them ASAP.

Saturday, November 29, 2008


Following a visit to Africa, Winston Churchill wrote, "For magnificence, for variety of form and color, for profusion of brilliant life -- bird, insect, reptile, beast -- for vast scale -- Uganda is truly the pearl of Africa."

While in Uganda I hope to experience the stunning beauty of Africa just as Churchill did. And yet I hope for so much more than just that.

I want to:
-learn to live simply
-challenge my many misconceptions
-face every fear without hesitation
-love selflessly and without reservation

I've never been outside the country before let alone traveled to a whole other continent. Yet it is unsettling how certain I feel about being there.

I leave January 8th. It cannot come soon enough.